- Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
- The only reason god made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
- People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
- When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.
- The difference between a pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
- Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
- I don’t always lose my phone but when I do it always on silent.
- I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
- Anyone else sits on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
- Justin Bieber was arrested this morning for using men’s toilets.
- Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for the internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
- I’m not single, I’m just romantically challenged.
- The funniest thing in class is when the teacher cracks a joke and no one laughs.
- The annoying moment when TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching.
- Remember, there are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for you. Push and Pull.
- If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
- I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
- Those who say money can’t buy happiness are shopping in the wrong places.
- ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
- Oooooh, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put a `lol` at the end of it.
- Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
- I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
- Our language is called the mother tongue because the father never gets a chance to Speak.
- When your ex asks if you can still be friends right after a break-up, it’s like having a kidnapper tell you to keep in touch.
- Taking revenge is wrong…very very wrong.. But very very fun.
- Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
- I want someone to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
- I’ve found the recipe for happiness. Can someone just send me some money so that I can buy the ingredients?
- I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
- I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
- When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me.
- The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
- One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.
- Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
- Before talking; Please connect the tongue to the brain!
- I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
- Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
- The only reason God made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.
- People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
- When life gets tough, remember: You were the strongest sperm.
- The difference between a pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.
- Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
- I don’t always lose my phone but when I do it always on silent.
- I really need a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
- I’m Jealous My Parents, I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs
- I’m The Dude With The Cool Attitude
- Yes, I Am Smiling And You’re Not The Reason Anymore.
- Silence Is The Best Response To A Fool.
- A Tear Is Made Of 1% Of Water And 99% Of Feelings.
- It’s Not An Attitude, It’s The Way I Am.
